Appendix

Dreams

2023/11/25
Contents

07-01-2021

Some creatures, perhaps ghosts, were haunting me in my dream. I was in a house trying to sleep and the creatures were in the vents/closets/walls. The most horrifying thing was simply knowing that they existed, knowing this secret made all of reality nauseating. In other parts of the dream I was outside during the day but it made no difference to the perverse forced intimacy between those creatures and myself. I knew that nothing had changed by the night being over, I will always need to sleep.

Analysis

I think this dream was about the psychological impact of unpleasant realizations that transcend local sociomateriality. For example, simulation hypothesis. This dreaming has since then impacted me deeply by changing how I fundamentally feel in the world. Basically, I think this dream was a byproduct, symptom, or representation of the integration of certain valued elements into my perspective after a long period of resistance and processing.

09-01-2021

I dreamt that I adopted a fish or something like that. In the first scene I saw that its eye was exposed and so I put this transparent film over it. In the next scene the fish was following behind a huge ship that I was in, but we could communicate telepathically in a sense. The fish was upset because the film on its eye was coming off and had damaged its eye or something. A harpoon was being retracted from the ship and had come back to its barrel but the huge motor was still working, and that was a big worry because I thought it would cause an explosion or something. The dream ended there.

08-02-2021

There were two YouTubers talking about maybe veganism who had perhaps incidentally developed very similar video styles, or maybe one followed suit of the other. They both used green themed Windows screen recordings, one of them XP and the other Vista (with some XP styling?).

09-02-2021

We were in a group doing an activity wherein the selected person would float to the ceiling and was required to identify somebody on the ground. I was floating to the ceiling and I struggled to identify Kenni (a girl from a middle school I went to) and she reacted like “seriously?”

08-04-2021

There was some sort of presence/knowing that I was going to see an underlying reality, and then there was a knowing of being in a pitch black room, lying down. I was being injected with something. I was being utilized for tests of some sort of human API.

2023-09-22

I was going home after school and I was late for some reason and it went completely dark, so I was worried about not being able to navigate to the bus.

Something appeared before me: many layers of highways with 4 or 8 lanes over each other, over darkness. Sometimes they had busses or cars on them.

I saw a bus (or large vehicle) with a tow hitch in front and a car on one of these highways start with some distance apart. Over time the bus caught up to the car, and it was inevitable that this would happen due to the bus having more inertia, and it was also inevitable that the force at which they would collide would at some point grow to be sufficient to completely penetrate and destroy the car with the tow hitch.

In the last part of the dream it was light again and I found myself in an area with a few train stations/lines. Some of them were not very well maintained and were quite dangerous to voyage into, hot spots for deranged lunatics. These people looked human but it was as though their sin, insanity, sadism, whatever, showed through their physical characteristics, facial features. At one point, near an entrance to a walkway to a train line/s, a mixture of blood and water was falling from the ceiling. At all lines trains would come and go at extremely high speeds.

2023-10-02

I was driving in Russia. It was a detour as I was trying to get home. I drove by a street that seemed to have dozens of book stores, many of them advertising themselves by showing massive books inside of or as part of their building. There were also apartments/houses, and as a status symbol people displayed through glass windows their own personal massive libraries, probably just a facade, books they haven’t read. Later on my journey I arrived at a city, which was heavily industrial, factories everywhere, a mix of everything, many vehicles for industrial purposes.

I finally reached a grass/dirt opening in the city and stayed there. In the scene that followed, Russian people began driving towards us, all men who discussed with enthusiasm how they loved to speed on the road. They smelled of alcohol too. They were competing among themselves, but very respectfully; one man came forward as the one who dared to drive the fastest.

Alongside this dream I was dreaming that in Russia, they sing songs using a simple constructed language for performative purposes. It can be written using English letters. For example,

ZUZUZU (‘zuzu’ meant ‘penis’)

KESTDFO HJKH JKH JK AKAK

ADUI EJAK DAUI DKAL

2023-10-22

I dreamt that the nature of reality was that it was going to start giving everybody infinite experiences of torment. There was a large cartoony geared wheel that pulled experiences in, making them extremely painful (Salvia-like). It started, however, with music that I saw represented in a 2D scrolling fashion from left to right becoming more and more filled with suffering.

This form of a reality of torture had a sort of playful vibe to it. I saw Minecraft lava at the wheel pulling experiences in. It was possibly implied that this is the answer the universe came to upon reflection of what would be best or what people wanted most. I saw Simpsons characters ranting about what awful things were happening, what this reality of suffering meant. Homer and Flanders were throwing accusations of wrongdoing at each other.

I was wondering whether infinite suffering could really be embraced and enjoyed. I wondered whether it was right for the soul to transcend this quality of consciousness and allow forms to flow freely. But I thought about the most horrible things that I know, like Daisy’s Destruction, and had a change of mind; the greater reality might have tricked me, I was now very pessimistic about the idea that this could really be what was best, that my soul should ever accept it, etc.

In the next part of the dream I had some sort of interaction with or with concepts coming from Jesus. I found a way to be strong in the face of suffering. I think it was hope.

Finally, my girlfriend and I were talking about philosophers and the ‘wheel one’ was brought up. She said something like she understood it or that people don’t understand it, and somehow asked me to explain it.

I awoke to lingering disturbing feelings, this dream was of a more significant kind than most.

Analysis

This dream was particularly easy to link to events that I had during the day.

2023-10-25

In order to board a plane, all of us approached by running with our suitcases. I wanted to be there first but I didn’t run as fast as I could, I aimed for a sustainable pace and stability.

I got on the plane and suddenly there were far less people, defying explanation. There was a woman breastfeeding her child and the path was blocked so I turned away and just stood a while. Then I proceeded, and it seemed people were leaving the plane. A girl walking towards me from the front or back (can’t remember) briefly stood face to face with me and asked something in Spanish. I didn’t understand, I said ““no hablo espanol””. Then she seemed to cease the dialogue and continue walking, but quickly began talking to me again. I noticed there were two men with her, one on her left side and one on her right. I repeated ““no hablo espanol””. Then I started to turn away and keep walking in order to find my seat, and I noticed somebody was coming up to me from the other direction. At this point, they started laughing, and I woke up

Boarding the plane felt like some kind of intoxication, like the fabric of my experience and awareness was dwindling and becoming more gentle, while I simultaneously became aware of something sinister going on, of myself being tricked and played with.

2023-10-25

I was staying at my grandmother’s house. We had started running some sort of new family business. I can’t remember details about others there except for uncle Neils, but the premises were in general busy with activity, especially and perhaps exclusively family.

My uncle, Neils, was the boss, at least my boss and somebody of high standing, perhaps the leader. He was an abusive boss, administering nonsense tasks, overworking me, and seemingly sadistic. Again like the previous dream, this had a distinct feeling of being intoxicated. Most likely Neils had done this to me. Something was not all there with my faculties of awareness, I was in a dreamlike state, going in an out of comprehension, amnesia. I remember being in the living room, probably sleeping in one of the bedrooms connected to it. I was doing software development, but as previously stated, Neils would give me nonsense tasks, setting me up for failure as they would either be unrealistic or just plain useless – and then he would place blame on me.

I remember being in a car with Neils, perhaps with a laptop, Neils was sitting in the front and myself in the back, talking about my tasks.

I can’t remember this part of the dream well, but (I think afterwards) we were in the garden and I was making a huge bonfire. This part of the dream had some sort of magical property to it: the fire was like some sort of spirit, and the whole environment or passage and content of events here seemed to be infused with some sort of presence that was transcendental and alive. This presence felt peaceful (or neutral), but empty, lonely. It seemed I was serving the fire by bringing things to it. I’m unsure, but get the feeling that there were secondary smaller fires around the place. Also, I feel like my cousins were present in the garden, though I had no interaction with them, they were in the background, and then their presences faded.